The Rules We Didn't Know

Some lessons aren't in the guidebook.

A simple trip to the beach becomes an expedition involving bribery, pickpockets, a bus that runs on railroad tracks, and a derailment. Buying a bottle of mineral water requires an empty bottle you cannot seem to acquire. And returning home to the United States brings an unexpected discovery: familiar systems can be just as baffling as foreign ones.

Between 1987 and 1992, Steve Smith and his wife, Gretchen, spend five years in South America, including four years living and working in Ecuador. In The Rules We Didn't Know, Smith recounts the adventures, friendships, frustrations, and uncomfortable encounters that gradually change how he sees other people and himself.

These personal essays travel from Venezuela and Colombia to everyday life in Ecuador, then onward through Brazilian rivers and cities and the mountains of Bolivia. Along the way are crowded markets, unpredictable transportation, wildlife encounters, a dangerous mine, and countless moments when confidence proves a poor substitute for understanding.

With humor, curiosity, and a willingness to examine his own assumptions, Smith explores what happens when the rules you take for granted no longer apply. What does it feel like to be the outsider? How often do we mistake unfamiliarity for foolishness? And what might we learn if we pause before judging?

Illustrated with personal photographs and selected drawings, The Rules We Didn't Know is a memoir in essays about adventure, marriage, cultural adaptation, and the people who complicate our easy answers.