12 months from when I was made homeless
Length: • 4 mins
Annotated by Eevert
Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless, and when my already precarious situation was forced into a downward spiral.
It marks one year of reaching out; of trying to access benefits and supports; of facing failure and neglect.
It marks one year of ... non-life.
💔
> I’m seeing no way forward.
I fail to see any future in which I can keep up my fight with #LongCovid / #MECFS, while having been deprived of so many resources.
This feels like such a personal failure, I also feel that I ought to be making apologies:
I’m sorry, everyone.
😔🙏
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 12 months from getting conscripted onto an inhumane battlefield, into a fight with no end nor escape in sight.
It marks 12 months of defeat, of ungrieved loss, of ever-dissipating hopes for having a better future.
> Today marks one year of reaching out; of facing failure and neglect.
It marks one year of society treating a person like inconsequential human trash, to be discarded at earliest convenience.
It marks one year as someone designated “unworthy”, to whom even laws need not apply.
> Today marks one year of non-life.
It marks one year of enforced isolation, of loneliness.
It marks one year of disconnect from that which gives meaning.
It marks one year of a father’s absence, of a kid getting one parent replaced by but a void yet no explanation as to why.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
Not coincidentally, today also marks 14 months from when I was left homeless for weeks.
It marks 14 months from the complete upheaval of a life I used to have, of getting pushed into a continual struggle amidst utter chaos.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 10 months from the initiation of a custody court affair, due to homelessness yet exacerbating that same challenge.
It marks 10 months of intents to safeguard a child’s rights turning out to serve the opposite ends.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 10 months from having, on paper, been granted some support by disability services.
It marks 10 months of having, in practice, been consistently either deprived from or struggling terribly to access said support.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 8 months since I lost access to occupational healthcare, and with it ME/LC-compatible healthcare altogether.
It marks 8 months since my doctor kindly promised their services for free, yet whom I haven’t seen since.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 7 months of spending absolutely all of my energy on trying to apply for benefits, of seeking recompense for medication eating up half of my monthly income.
It marks 7 months of effort met by consistent rejection.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 6 months from when I realized I had come to internalize the belief that, when I cannot fulfill any and all obligations put on me as conditions for getting what would I need, I do deserve nothing but pain and misery.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 5 months since getting offered housing.
It marks 5 months since yielding, despite knowing that what’s on offer would not suit.
It marks 5 months of failing to cope, of losing functioning all the more rapidly.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 4 months of benefits I had been granted not covering rent for an apartment I was compelled to move into.
It marks 4 months of half-paid rent, of not having been able to successfully apply for more benefits on it.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 4 months since I’ve last seen a friend.
It marks 7 months since the previous such occasion.
It also marks 7 months since I was last granted a chance to spend time with my child.
It marks 7 months.
7 months.
7.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 3 months since I told an investigator appointed by custody court my story, claiming systemic violations.
It also marks 3 months since I was let to understand that they agreed, but that there was nothing to be done.
> Today marks 12 months from when I was made homeless.
It marks 3 months since I came to believe engaging in non-essential social interaction is choosing failure in obligations set for me.
It marks 3 months since my last status update, and I can’t help but be sorry for failing.
> I’m seeing no way forward.
I fail to see any future in which I can keep up my fight with #LongCovid / #MECFS, while having been deprived of so many resources.
This feels like such a personal failure, I also feel that I ought to be making apologies:
I’m sorry, everyone.
😔🙏