When prayer just doesn't come naturally...

My husband and I were like ships passing in the night.

The summer we brought our third daughter home through adoption, our schedule was out of control. I was spending hours managing our baby girl’s therapies and specialist appointments. My husband had mounting deadlines at work. Illness swept through our household. We went on vacations with extended family and came home irritable and exhausted.

There was no major conflict between my husband and me, but the small miscommunications and misunderstandings began to pile up. Between late night bottle feedings and chaotic mealtimes with two toddlers, there wasn’t much time for conversation. We weren’t angry at each other, but we also weren’t getting to finish a conversation without being interrupted by a child or falling asleep mid-sentence.

Finally, I came to my husband with a proposition. “Weekly marriage meetings,” I told him and texted him a link to a list of questions we could use.

It didn’t sound very romantic to me—to carve out thirty minutes every Sunday night to go over our schedule for the week, what needs our kids had, and what home projects finally needed to be tackled. But my husband agreed, and we hoped it would be a step in the right direction.

The first night it was awkward. I read each question off the list, and we answered accordingly. But it truly helped. I knew what stressful projects he had at work, and he knew where I was concerned with our daughter’s therapy progress.

The next week we did it again. And again. Until two years later, those weekly times together are second-nature to us. We even look forward to them.

While it didn’t seem romantic at the time, this structured practice strengthened our marriage more than any spontaneous gesture or expensive date night. No matter how crazy the week was, I knew I had this anchor point in my relationship with my husband. By having a single intentional conversation, we found that we were better able to keep communicating the other six days even if we were interrupted or tired. Our relationship today is truly stronger because of these mundane “marriage meetings.”

We learned that discipline didn’t hinder the love in our marriage. It created the fertile soil from which it could grow.

Many Christians are nervous about trying to grow their prayer life because we assume that, as Spirit-filled believers, prayer should come naturally. We should just automatically know how to pray, when to pray, and what to pray. We shouldn’t have to work at it or be intentional with it. It should just happen, right?

Yet we also often wonder why God seems so far off. Why can’t we remember to stop and pray when a crisis hits? Why don’t we automatically bring our anxieties to him? Why isn’t thanking God the first thing to come to mind when our prayers are answered? In the busyness of life, we often miss connection with God.

Just like marriage takes work and structure, so does our prayer life. Seeing prayer as a discipline doesn’t suck the life out of our relationship with God. Rather, intentional structure enhances our prayer life.

When I put Bible verse and prayer cards next to my kitchen sink, I am intentionally pursuing rhythms that will promote prayer in my life.

When I set an alarm on my phone for prayer time throughout my day, I am telling God that I value time with him over the busyness of my schedule.

When I come to him in the morning even when I’m tired and don’t feel like it, I am communicating that I cannot do this life without him.

These disciplines don’t detract from a spontaneous, Spirit-filled prayer life. Instead, they nourish the soil for true abiding in Christ.

After our marriage meetings, my husband and I found that we were able to have more conversations throughout the week. In the same way, by establishing regular rhythms of prayer, you will find that you’re more inclined to lift your heart in prayer at other times throughout the day. When you set daily, weekly, or monthly prayer rhythms, your conversations with God in between will become richer and sweeter.

These disciplines don’t have to be ambitious. To resolve our miscommunication, I didn’t suggest my husband and I take a weekend trip away or go on weekly dinner dates. Rather, I asked for a reasonable thirty minutes, on the couch, and on a night we typically don’t have anything else scheduled. And from that measly thirty minutes, our relationship grew.

What is one small step you can take to till the soil of your prayer life today? Can you talk to God while your coffee brews, while you commute to work, or on your lunch break? Can you write a prayer on a notecard and stick it in your back pocket? Can you read a prayer from a book right before you go to sleep? How can a tiny step of intentional discipline breathe new life into your relationship with God this week?

So from my bookshelf to yours, here are curated resources to help you grow in the spiritual discipline of prayer.

P.S. – I hope you enjoyed the first installment to my new series on spiritual disciplines! I’m excited to provide you with a new resource—a free printable to help you grow in each of the disciplines we’ll cover in this series. Download it here, and feel free to forward this email to a friend so they can download it as well! (Also, I’d love for you to respond to this email and let me know what discipline you’d like me to cover next!)

Get your free guide to an intentional prayer life!

P.P.S. – I wrote a short piece for Coffee + Crumbs on our marriage meetings here.

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Here are a few resources that have helped me develop an intentional prayer life.

Val Marie Prayer Journals
If you’re looking for a simple way to be more intentional and focused in prayer, this is the resource for you. No resource has changed my prayer life as much as my VMP journals. Each month includes space to include prayer requests for the world, your family, yourself, etc. and space to record God’s answers and your gratitude.

The Compose journal is a smaller six-month version, but I’ve used the Rhythm (yearly with journaling section in the back) and Signature (6-month with monthly journaling section). Right now, you can pre-order the 2025 Rhythm journal and the new colors for the Signature journal for 30% off. Sale lasts through August 27 (I’m not paid for this recommendation; I truly believe in this product.)

Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home by Richard J. Foster
In the most comprehensive and helpful book on prayer I’ve read (and I’ve read many), Foster describes 21 types of prayers (from the Prayer of Suffering to Intercessory Prayer). While even the youngest of believers can come confidently to the throne in prayer, Foster teaches us how we can grow in the power of prayer. This book is rich both theologically and practically.

Names of God Verse Cards from Daily Grace Co.
I tend to be very self-focused, so beginning my time in prayer by refocusing my eyes and heart on the Lord has enriched my prayer life. I’ll usually choose one name of God to meditate on for the week or month (I’ve also used the Attributes of God Verse Cards) to help set the tone for my time in prayer.

“5 Things to Pray” Series from the Good Book Company
I often struggle knowing what to pray, especially when I’m unsure of God’s will for a certain situation. I’ve found that praying Scripture gives more power and freedom to my prayer life. I’ll journal through a passage of Scripture and apply it to my concerns. To help remind me of Scriptures to pray, I use the “5 Things to Pray” series, specifically the ones for your spouse, your kids, and your church.

Also, my grandmother, Patti Webb, has co-written two wonderful books for mothers and women on how to incorporate Scripture into your prayers.

Liturgical Prayers
I didn’t grow up in a liturgical denomination, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to appreciate the beauty and truth of liturgical prayers. Two of my favorite collections of prayers have been The Valley of Vision and Every Moment Holy. While these are no substitute for personal prayers, they do help me find the words to the deep prayers of my heart, and they remind me that I am not the first to pray for such things.

Praying Together: The Priority and Privilege of Prayer in Our Homes, Communities, and Churches by Megan Hill
While the personal spiritual discipline of prayer is crucial to any growing believer, I also think that the discipline of corporate prayer is equally as vital. In her book, Hill reminds us that God did not design prayer to be done in a vacuum. It is not only a personal practice; it was created to be done in relationship with other believers and with God himself. This short but potent book will challenge the way you see and practice corporate prayer.

BONUS RECOMMENDATION FOR KIDS!
The best resource I’ve used in teaching my children about prayer (specifically toddler-age) is Any Time, Any Place, Any Prayer by Laura Wifler. Laura uses the Gospel—creation, fall, redemption, and consummation—to explain how we can talk to God anytime, anyplace, and anywhere. This beautifully illustrated book is one of my favorites to read before our bedtime prayers.

What are resources that have helped you cultivate your prayer life?

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I can choose a life of hurry—burdened by the expectations to do it all, do it perfectly, and do it myself. Or I can remember that what I do is not as important as how I do it and who I do it for. Rather than be overwhelmed by all that’s on my plate, I can joyfully receive the good portion God has set before me.

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It’s an act of faith for me to show up solo with three kids in tow on Sunday mornings. Maybe church isn’t about what I “get out of it.” Maybe it’s about each member of the body of Christ showing up weak and needy. Maybe it’s about collectively loving and encouraging one another. Maybe it’s about admitting it is not good for us to walk our Christian journey alone.

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a benediction.

"Let me know that the work of prayer is to bring my will to thine, and that without this it is folly to pray;
When I try to bring thy will to mine—it is to command Christ, to be above him, and wiser than he; this is my sin and pride."

— “Living by Prayer” from The Valley of Vision

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Bethany Broderick · 301 Panther Trl · Pelham, AL 35124-1641 · USA