从小镇做题家到留美博士：疯狂枪手的现实与想象 ｜From a Small-Town Problem Solver to a PhD Student in America: The Reality and Imagination of the Mad Gunman

From a Small-Town Problem Solver to a PhD Student in America: The Reality and Imagination of the Mad Gunman

*本文为「三联生活周刊」原创内容

他理解的是,齐太磊已经成为家族一个“污点”。没有近亲想谈论他,可能也没有人愿意花钱、想办法去美国,当面问问他:为什么?相关阅读:Related Reading:
美国东部时间8月28日,34岁的北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校应用物理系博士生齐太磊枪杀了自己的导师。
On August 28th, Eastern Standard Time in the United States, Qi Tailei, a 34-year-old doctoral student in the Department of Applied Physics at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, murdered his advisor. 上个月,我们发过一篇关于被害导师严资杰的报道(从小镇状元到留美“学神”教授:枪击案里,一位优秀导师的陨落)。跟这个导师相似,凶手齐太磊也来自农村,通过自己持续的努力,得以出国读书。不同的是,在这条求学道路上,齐太磊走向封闭,最终枪响......
Last month, we published a report about the victimized advisor, Yan Zijie (From small-town top scholar to a revered professor in the US: The fall of an excellent mentor in a shooting case). Similar to this advisor, the perpetrator Qi Tailei also came from a rural area and was able to study abroad through his continuous efforts. However, the difference is that on this academic journey, Qi Tailei became isolated, leading to the fatal gunshot..

污点Stain

1998年夏天,王少平20多岁,刚从部队转业回来。当时正是河南农村收小麦的时候,收完麦子,家离得近的亲戚会互相帮忙犁地、种上玉米。那年,王少平去封丘县大沙村帮齐家亲戚犁地,晚上闲下来的时候,他成了孩子王,给几个亲戚家的小孩儿讲些神话故事。齐太磊那年9岁,是这群孩子中的一个。
In the summer of 1998, Wang Shaoping was in his twenties and had just returned from military service. It was the time for harvesting wheat in the rural areas of Henan. After the harvest, relatives who lived nearby would help each other plow the fields and plant corn. That year, Wang Shaoping went to Dashacun, Fengqiu County to help his relatives plow the fields. In his spare time in the evening, he became a storyteller, narrating mythological tales to the children of his relatives. Qi Tailei, who was 9 years old that year, was one of these children

在封丘县农村,当地人习惯给所有男孩小名后面加个“妞”(音译)字,齐太磊小名叫“乾妞”,跟王少平是远房亲戚,按辈分叫他一声姑父。姑父对“乾妞”印象很深,因为他是一群孩子中最爱问“为什么”的那个。王少平记得,自己把孙悟空大战白骨精的故事改编为孙悟空大战“土坷垃精”(当地方言把“土块”叫作“土坷垃”),所有小孩都信了,只有“乾妞”问他为什么土坷垃会成精、为什么孙悟空要打它。他记不清自己怎么回答了这些问题,只记得那个瘦瘦的男孩,眼神充满疑问和期待。
In the rural areas of Fengqiu County, it's customary for locals to add the word "niu" (phonetically translated) to the end of every boy's nickname. Qi Tailei's nickname is "Qian Niu", and he is a distant relative of Wang Shaoping, who he respectfully refers to as "uncle". The uncle has a deep impression of "Qian Niu" because he is the child who always asks "why". Wang Shaoping recalls that when he adapted the story of Sun Wukong's battle with the White Bone Demon into Sun Wukong's battle with the "Tu Kelu Demon" (the local dialect refers to "clods of earth" as "Tu Kelu"), all the children believed it, except for "Qian Niu" who asked him why the Tu Kelu could become a demon and why Sun Wukong had to fight it. He can't remember how he answered these questions, but he does remember that skinny boy, his eyes full of curiosity and anticipation25年后,2023年8月底,王少平在手机上又看到“乾妞”齐太磊瘦瘦的脸——他戴着无框眼镜,手上有一副手铐,成了一起枪击案的凶手。在美国东岸时间8月28日下午1点02分,齐太磊在北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校一间实验室内,向比自己年长6岁的导师严资杰连开数枪,严资杰当场死亡,齐太磊很快被逮捕。一天后,齐太磊在法庭上被指控一级谋杀罪和在教育场所持有枪支罪,不得被保释,或将面临终身监禁。当庭他未提出抗辩。🔄 ❓8月29日,齐太磊抵达法院(图源|视觉中国)On August 29, Qi Tailei arrived at the court (Image Source | Visual China)王少平一眼就从手机上的庭审视频中认出齐太磊,跟他印象中小时候的“乾妞”长相没多少变化,是个“放大版,就是眼神看起来很迷茫”。他立刻打电话给齐太磊的亲姑姑。
Upon glancing at the court hearing video on his phone, Wang Shaoping immediately recognized Qi Tailei. He hadn't changed much from the "Qian Niou" of his childhood memories, just a "magnified version," but his eyes looked very lost. He immediately called Qi Tailei's aunt.“我跟你说个不好的消息。”"I have some bad news to tell you."“你不要说了,我都知道了。”齐太磊姑姑说。"Enough, I already know everything," Aunt Qi Tailei said.“我给大哥(齐太磊大伯)打个电话?”"Should I give a call to my eldest brother (Qi Tailei's uncle)?"“你不要打了,大哥难受死了。”电话到这里结束,王少平也不知道再说些什么。对于齐太磊,他跟其他所有亲戚一样,上一次见面还是2019年2月的春节。那是齐太磊去美国留学读博士的半年前,当时齐太磊申请到美国路易斯安那州立大学,是大沙村第一个出国留学的准博士。“读书”是齐太磊身上最大的标签,从小学到现在,他和小两岁的弟弟一直是村民、亲戚眼中的好学生。有村民提起这对已经30多岁的兄弟俩,说现在还觉得他们是学生,不是个“社会人”。王少平也跟女儿说过,要把他们当作学习的榜样。虽然齐太磊出国时已经30岁,家人对他能继续读书,有个事情做下去也是满意的。为了支持大儿子继续深造,出国读书的钱,齐太磊父母也出了一部分。当时齐父身患淋巴癌,动过手术后需每天服药,家庭经济状况并不好,是村里入册的贫困户。2019年秋天,齐太磊去了美国。此后四年多,他家发生不少事。母亲在2020年秋天病逝,两年后父亲病逝,俩人去世时都不到60岁。因为新冠疫情原因,齐太磊没有回国。王少平听帮忙操办后事的亲戚说,连亲人去世的消息,齐太磊也是延迟一段时间才知道的,“他在美国很少跟家人联系,一开始电话打过去都没人接”。
In the autumn of 2019, Qi Tailei went to the United States. In the subsequent four years, many things happened in his family. His mother passed away due to illness in the autumn of 2020, and his father passed away two years later, both of them were under 60 years old at the time of their deaths. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Qi Tailei did not return to his home country. Wang Shaoping, who heard from relatives helping with the funeral arrangements, said that even the news of his family members' deaths was delayed for Qi Tailei, "He rarely contacted his family in the United States, and initially no one answered when he called."王少平没有齐太磊兄弟俩的手机号,这段时间,他一有空就刷手机新闻,看看有没有关于“乾妞”的新消息,也看跟被害导师有关的消息——这是他人生中第一次跟一起枪击案的距离如此之近,他对齐太磊的选择有很多疑问。不过那通电话之后,他没再跟齐家亲戚主动提起这件事。他理解的是,齐太磊已经成为家族一个“污点”。没有近亲想谈论他,可能也没有人愿意花钱、想办法去美国,当面问问他:为什么?
Wang Shaoping doesn't have the phone numbers of the Qi Tailei brothers. Recently, whenever he has free time, he scrolls through news on his phone, looking for any updates about "Qian Niuniu", as well as news related to the victimized tutor. This is the first time in his life that he's been so close to a shooting incident, and he has many questions about Qi Tailei's choices. However, after that phone call, he never brought up the matter with the Qi family relatives on his own initiative. He understands that Qi Tailei has become a "stain" on the family. No close relatives want to talk about him, and it's likely that no one is willing to spend money or find a way to go to the United States to ask him face-to-face: why?8月30日晚,北卡罗莱纳大学教堂山分校举行烛光守夜活动
On the evening of August 30th, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill held a candlelight vigil

贫穷与骄傲Poverty and Pride

9月中旬,已经过了最热的暑季,河南新乡市封丘县的村庄里,成片的玉米长到一人多高,再过半个多月就能收割。封丘县是新乡市最偏远的县城,也是最后一批摘掉贫困县帽子的地方。这里没什么产业基础,只能依靠最传统的农业。
In mid-September, past the peak of the sweltering summer, in the villages of Fengqiu County, Xinxiang City, Henan Province, vast fields of corn have grown taller than a person, ready for harvest in just over half a month. Fengqiu County is the most remote county in Xinxiang City, and it's also the last place to have shed its label as a poverty-stricken county. There's not much of an industrial base here, with the area relying solely on traditional agriculture齐太磊的家在封丘县大沙村,这个村子很大,11个小组紧紧挨着,村民互相也都脸熟,都知道齐太磊家在第4组。齐家住在村庄比较中心的位置,门口就是一条水泥路,离十字路口很近。十多年前开始,大沙村绝大多数人家都推倒平房,盖起二层高的楼房,垒起高高的围墙。齐太磊家是村里少数的平房,红砖围墙也没有涂上水泥,褪色后有点发棕。这样一栋旧房子的四周都是楼房,如果从上空看,就像是村中的一处凹陷。
Qi Tailei's home is in Dashacun, Fengqiu County. This village is quite large, with 11 closely-knit groups. The villagers are all familiar with each other and everyone knows that Qi Tailei's home is in the 4th group. The Qi family lives in a relatively central location in the village, right by a cement road and close to a crossroads. Over a decade ago, the majority of households in Dashacun began to tear down their single-story houses and build two-story buildings, erecting tall walls around them. Qi Tailei's home is one of the few single-story houses left in the village. Its red brick wall hasn't been plastered with cement and has faded to a bit of a brown color. Surrounded by multi-story buildings, this old house, when viewed from above, appears like a depression in the middle of the village离这个“凹陷”不远处的路口边,是齐太磊大伯家,一栋精装修的楼房,墙面全部喷涂成米色,大门的地基修得很高,看起来干净又气派,门口还停了一辆轿车。齐太磊的父亲齐庆毅家族有姊妹五个,大伯是家境最好的,做装修行业,在县城有两家门面。因为住得近,两家经常走动,遇到大小事情,大伯都能及时帮忙。
Not far from this "depression" at the intersection, is the home of Qi Tailei's uncle, a beautifully renovated building. The walls are all painted beige, and the foundation of the main door is built high, giving it a clean and impressive look. There's even a sedan parked at the door. Qi Tailei's father, Qi Qingyi, comes from a family of five siblings, with the uncle being the most affluent, working in the renovation industry and owning two storefronts in the county town. Because they live close by, the two families often visit each other, and the uncle is always ready to help with any issues that arise.齐庆毅家则是兄妹中最贫困的一户。伤病像个邪恶的幽灵,一直尾随着这个家庭——这是村民们和我谈起齐家时,都忍不住摇头叹息的一点。齐庆毅20多岁时就患上黄疸型肝炎,当时症状比较重,家里花了很多钱抢救回来,但落下病根,头几年不能干重活儿,和妻儿吃饭也要分开碗筷。后来康复一段时间后,齐庆毅去砖厂烧过窑,跟着大哥干过装修,还去建筑队工作过。“只要能挣钱,他什么活儿都干。”齐家邻居说。那几年算是齐家境况还可以的几年,不用为钱发愁。齐太磊母亲在家种六亩地,照顾两个儿子生活。
Qi Qingyi's family, on the other hand, is the poorest among the siblings. Illness is like an evil ghost that has always haunted this family - a point that villagers and I can't help but sigh about when discussing the Qi family. Qi Qingyi contracted jaundice hepatitis in his twenties. The symptoms were severe at the time, and the family spent a lot of money on his treatment. Although he was saved, the disease left its mark. For the first few years, he couldn't do heavy work and had to use separate dishes when eating with his wife and children. After recovering for a while, Qi Qingyi worked in a brick kiln, followed his elder brother into the renovation business, and also worked in a construction team. "As long as it can make money, he will do any work," said a neighbor of the Qi family. Those were the years when the Qi family's financial situation was relatively good, without worrying about money. Qi Tailei's mother stayed at home, farming six acres of land and taking care of their two sons

封丘县大沙村,齐太磊家的大门(李晓洁摄)The front gate of Qi Tailei's house in Dashacun, Fengqiu County (Photographed by Li Xiaojie)

好景不长,几年后齐庆毅的肝炎又犯了,他回到村里跟妻子一起种地。虽然身体不好,但他仍然尽力勤劳,除了种自己的地,还包了十多亩自家兄弟没精力种的地,机械化耕作。农闲时则骑着电动三轮车,去帮那些种金银花的农户采摘,一天收入四五十元。等到两个儿子读高中,要去十多公里外的县城高中住宿,学费和生活费都高了,家中拿不出钱的时候就卖粮食。有村民记得,齐太磊的母亲几乎没穿过新衣服,娘家姐妹有不穿的旧衣服就拿给她。齐庆毅也从不抽烟、喝酒、打麻将,不进行任何娱乐活动,村民觉得这一部分因为身体,另一部分是经济条件不允许。
Good times didn't last long. A few years later, Qi Qingyi's hepatitis flared up again, and he returned to the village to farm with his wife. Despite his poor health, he still worked as hard as he could. In addition to tilling his own land, he also took on more than ten acres of land that his brothers didn't have the energy to farm, using mechanized farming methods. During the slack farming season, he would ride his electric tricycle to help those farmers who grew honeysuckle to pick the flowers, earning forty to fifty yuan a day. When his two sons went to high school in the county town more than ten kilometers away, the tuition and living expenses increased. When the family couldn't afford it, they sold grain. Some villagers remember that Qi Tailei's mother hardly ever wore new clothes, and her sisters from her maternal home would give her their old clothes. Qi Qingyi never smoked, drank, or played mahjong, and didn't participate in any recreational activities. The villagers felt that this was partly due to his health, and partly because his financial situation didn't allow it虽然贫困,但是齐太磊父母在村里并不封闭自己,有着很好的口碑。几乎所有村民都跟我说,这对夫妻性格好,勤快、善良,从没跟人吵过架。齐庆毅虽然长年有病,不能干体力活儿,但他手上技术好,头脑也灵活。村里人遇到种地困难、办红白事,或者农耕要借用什么工具,甚至家里锁坏了等各种问题,去找他,他都愿意帮忙。齐太磊的母亲因为照顾生病的丈夫、公婆得当,也被村民看作孝顺、能干的好妻子和儿媳。
Despite their poverty, the parents of Qi Tailei did not isolate themselves in the village and maintained a good reputation. Almost all the villagers told me that this couple is good-natured, diligent, and kind, never having quarreled with anyone. Qi Qingyi, despite being chronically ill and unable to do physical labor, is skilled with his hands and has a nimble mind. When villagers encounter difficulties in farming, need help with weddings or funerals, need to borrow tools for farming, or even have problems like a broken lock at home, they go to him, and he is always willing to help. Qi Tailei's mother, due to her proper care for her sick husband and in-laws, is also seen by the villagers as a filial, capable, good wife and daughter-in-law.他家大门经常开着,有时候夫妻俩在院子里剥玉米,附近一些上了年纪的老太婆就到他家帮忙,顺便唠嗑。2020年秋,齐太磊母亲得了急病,发起水滴筹捐款,大沙村的许多村民都捐了钱,多的捐了有上千块。那几年,齐太磊的父母、奶奶接连重病,村民回想起来,说他家“接二连三出事儿”,语气都是同情。一个牙齿掉光的婆婆坐在小板凳上,她也帮夫妻俩剥过玉米。听着村民回忆齐家,婆婆开始抹眼泪。
Their front door is often open. Sometimes, when the couple is peeling corn in the yard, some elderly women from the neighborhood come over to help and chat. In the fall of 2020, Qi Tailei's mother fell seriously ill and initiated a crowdfunding campaign. Many villagers in Dashacun donated money, with some giving as much as a thousand yuan. Over those years, Qi Tailei's parents and grandmother fell seriously ill one after another. The villagers recall that his family had "one thing after another," and their tone is sympathetic. An old woman with no teeth left sits on a small stool, she too has helped the couple peel corn. As she listens to the villagers recall the Qi family, she begins to wipe away tears好在孩子一直很争气——这是除了贫病交加外,村民们对齐家的另一个典型印象。附近多家邻居说,齐太磊兄弟俩从小就听话。别的小孩,家长追着打都不写作业,齐太磊兄弟俩几乎不出家门,“像个小妞一样”。但这种不出家门的内向,加上“成绩好”这个结果,一切又显得合理起来。村民们认为,这对兄弟俩更多时间在屋里学习,文静懂事儿,不调皮捣蛋,成绩又好,是这个家庭的“福气”。
Fortunately, the children have always made their family proud - this is another typical impression the villagers have of the Qi family, apart from their struggle with poverty and illness. Many neighboring families say that the Qi brothers, Tai Lei and his sibling, have been obedient since childhood. Unlike other children who refuse to do their homework even when chased and scolded by their parents, the Qi brothers hardly ever leave their home, behaving "like little girls". However, this introverted behavior, coupled with their good academic performance, seems perfectly reasonable. The villagers believe that the brothers spend more time studying at home, are quiet and sensible, don't cause trouble, and perform well academically, which is a "blessing" for their family.《父辈的荣耀》剧照 "Glory of the Father" still shot齐太磊的小学、中学同学在社交媒体上回忆,对他的印象也是“安静”,独来独往但成绩好,从小到大都是班级前几名。能吃苦,初中和弟弟共骑一辆“二八大杠”自行车上下学。高中寄宿后,他冬天只穿一双布鞋和单裤,吃饭俩馒头一个菜。后来弟弟进入同一所高中,俩人一起吃饭,还是只有一个菜。
Tai Lei Qi's elementary and middle school classmates recall on social media that their impression of him was "quiet", he kept to himself but performed well academically, always ranking among the top few in his class from childhood. He was able to endure hardship, riding a "28-bar" bicycle to and from school with his younger brother during middle school. After moving to a boarding high school, he wore only a pair of cloth shoes and a single pair of pants in winter, and his meals consisted of two steamed buns and one dish. Later, when his younger brother joined the same high school, they ate together, but still only had one dish这个一直被疾病和贫困纠缠的家庭,高光时刻是2010年高考。复读一年的齐太磊和弟弟考出了同样的624的高分,并列当年封丘县理科第四名,齐太磊被武汉大学录取,弟弟被西安交通大学录取。消息轰动了临近几个村子。一位村民拨通了河南当地媒体《大河报》的热线电话,希望媒体关注这对贫苦家庭里的优秀弟兄,记者李一川接到了这通电话。
This family, constantly plagued by illness and poverty, had their shining moment in the 2010 college entrance examination. After repeating a year, Qi Tailei and his younger brother both scored an impressive 624, tying for fourth place in the science category in Fengqiu County that year. Qi Tailei was admitted to Wuhan University, and his brother to Xi'an Jiaotong University. The news caused a sensation in the surrounding villages. A villager called the hotline of the local Henan media, "Dahe Newspaper", hoping that the media would pay attention to the outstanding brothers from this impoverished family. The call was answered by reporter Li Yichuan.如今再看这篇13年前的报道,还能感受到一个穷困家庭出了高分学生的骄傲和忧虑。报道中,齐太磊兄弟俩身高一米七八左右,偏瘦,住一间房,屋里两张床,两个小课桌,一个简易电扇挂在木棍上。俩人坐在小床上,手拿录取通知书,冲报社摄影师镜头咧嘴笑着。围观的村民纷纷称赞孩子“真争气”,但齐太磊父母对记者表达了家中的不易,他们给孩子缝好了开学的被子,只是俩孩子一万多的学费还没筹够。
Looking back at this report from 13 years ago, one can still feel the pride and worry of a poor family having high-scoring students. In the report, the Qi brothers, both about 1.78 meters tall and thin, lived in a single room with two beds, two small desks, and a simple electric fan hanging on a wooden stick. The two sat on the small bed, holding their admission notices, grinning at the camera of the newspaper photographer. The onlooking villagers praised the children for being "truly promising", but Qi Tailei's parents expressed to the reporter the difficulties at home. They had sewn the quilts for the children's school start, but they had not yet raised the over 10,000 yuan in tuition fees for the two children报道很快发挥了作用。有村民记得,几天后县长一行人到齐太磊家慰问,“应该也给了点钱”。又过了几天,郑州宇通客车有限公司捐款一万元,还有一个经常为贫困家庭献爱心的93岁老人捐款1000元。齐太磊兄弟俩坐车到郑州接受捐款。摄影师拍下了齐太磊从老人手中接过一沓纸币的照片。后来,齐家远近的亲戚、关系好的邻居,也给他家送了点钱。第一年的学费和生活费勉强凑够了。
The report quickly made an impact. Some villagers recall that a few days later, the county mayor and his team visited Qi Tailei's home to express their condolences, and "probably gave some money." A few days after that, Zhengzhou Yutong Bus Co., Ltd. donated ten thousand yuan, and a 93-year-old man who often donates to impoverished families contributed one thousand yuan. The Qi brothers traveled to Zhengzhou to accept the donation. A photographer captured the moment when Qi Tailei received a stack of banknotes from the elderly man. Later, relatives near and far, as well as good neighbors of the Qi family, also gave them some money. The tuition and living expenses for the first year were barely covered

齐太磊曾在封丘县就读的高中(李晓洁摄)Qi Tailei once attended high school in Fengqiu County (photographed by Li Xiaojie)

“做爱因斯坦那样的人”"Being a Person Like Einstein"

2010年8月底,齐太磊进入武汉大学物理科学与技术学院(下文简称“物理学院”),入读材料物理专业。
At the end of August 2010, Qi Tailei entered the School of Physical Science and Technology (hereinafter referred to as "School of Physics") at Wuhan University, majoring in Material Physics曾桥跟齐太磊同专业,是低一级的师弟。他告诉我,2010年左右,材料物理是物理学院与化学学院下材料化学系刚合办几年的交叉专业,有一种还没成熟的“实验性质”。绝大部分专业课都是“搭着”别的学院一起上,专业人数很少。曾桥记得自己刚入学时,班上只有23个学生,是同学院其他专业学生数量的五分之一。甚至连保研的学校数量也比其他专业少,是个“实实在在的弱势专业”。
Zeng Qiao and Qi Tailei were in the same major, with Zeng being a junior. He told me that around 2010, Material Physics was a cross-disciplinary major that had only been jointly established by the Physics and Chemistry departments a few years prior. It had an experimental nature that was still maturing. The majority of the specialized courses were taken alongside other departments, and there were very few students in the major. Zeng Qiao recalled that when he first enrolled, there were only 23 students in his class, which was a fifth of the number of students in other majors within the same faculty. Even the number of schools offering guaranteed postgraduate admission was fewer than other majors, making it a truly disadvantaged major.曾桥记得,自己入学那会儿,社会上流行讲“21世纪是生命科学的世纪”,这是一种来自西方的观念。生命科学在科技相对领先的国家表现出了相当大的创造力和发展潜力,但对中国来说,还只是个看似高级但难以落地的学科概念。到自己毕业前,“生化环材”(泛指生物类、材料化学类、环境类专业)已经成为著名的四大“天坑专业”,网络上出现大量针对这几个专业的“吐槽”,主要聚焦在做实验辛苦、危险,以及就业范围窄、薪水低等问题。多位相关专业的学生告诉我,本科毕业后很少有同学直接就业,超过一半比例选择继续读书。而曾桥的班上,大二时就有五名同学转到经济管理学院,没转走的,也有几个开始辅修经济管理相关的双学位。曾桥自己也产生过摇摆,犹豫要不要转去房地产相关专业。
Zeng Qiao remembered that when he first enrolled, there was a popular saying in society that "the 21st century is the century of life sciences," a concept originating from the West. Life sciences demonstrated significant creativity and development potential in technologically advanced countries, but for China, it was still a seemingly advanced but difficult to implement academic concept. By the time he was about to graduate, "Bio-Enviro-Materials" (referring broadly to biology, materials chemistry, and environmental majors) had become one of the infamous "four major pitfalls." There were numerous online complaints about these majors, focusing on the hard and dangerous lab work, narrow job prospects, and low salaries. Several students from related majors told me that very few of their classmates went straight into employment after graduation, with more than half choosing to continue their studies. In Zeng Qiao's class, five students had transferred to the School of Economics and Management by their second year. Those who didn't transfer started to pursue double degrees related to economics and management. Zeng Qiao himself also wavered, contemplating whether to switch to a major related to real estate曾桥感受到的专业困境,齐太磊应该多少也经历过,而他能疏解和寻求帮助的渠道更少。据王少平回忆,上大学后,齐太磊跟家人的交流越来越少。如果有争论发生,齐太磊就说:“我跟你们不是一个频道,我们有代沟。”他一向习惯自己做主。第一年高考时,成绩有六百零几分,至少能上“211”大学,他不满意,父母极力劝他去读大学没用,找年长的亲戚们去劝同样没用。最后齐太磊自己找了另一个县城免费吸纳高分落榜生的复读学校,一个人去读了一年。
The professional predicament that Zeng Qiao experienced, Qi Tailei must have also gone through to some extent, but he had even fewer avenues to alleviate and seek help. According to Wang Shaoping's recollection, after starting university, Qi Tailei's communication with his family became less and less. If a dispute arose, Qi Tailei would say, "I'm not on the same wavelength as you, we have a generation gap." He was always accustomed to making his own decisions. During his first year of college entrance exams, he scored over six hundred points, enough to get into a "211" university, but he was not satisfied. His parents strongly advised him to go to university to no avail, and seeking help from older relatives was equally futile. In the end, Qi Tailei found a cram school in another county that offered free admission to high-scoring students who didn't make the cut, and he went there to study for a year on his own家里人不知道他具体在新的城市和新的学校里遭遇了什么样的挫败,但大一结束后,齐太磊就休学回了老家。王少平听说是精神问题,父母还带他去医院拿了药。对两位一直忙着应付疾病和贫困、艰难度日的农家父母来说,孩子遭遇的困境是他们无法理解也难以解决的。“他们担心孩子别真的神经了。”王少平说,“只要这孩子能去上学,或者只要不在家待着,找个事儿干都比在家强。”
The family didn't know exactly what kind of setbacks he had encountered in the new city and school, but after his freshman year, Qi Tailei took a leave of absence and returned to his hometown. Wang Shaoping heard it was a mental issue, and his parents even took him to the hospital for medication. For the two parents who were constantly dealing with illness and poverty, and struggling to get by, the predicament their child was facing was something they couldn't understand or solve. "They were worried that their child might really go mad," said Wang Shaoping, "As long as this child could go to school, or at least not stay at home, finding something to do would be better than staying at home."休学在家的一年,邻居说几乎从没见过齐太磊。虽然精神状态不好,但他还出去打过短工,在村里时就一直待在家里,一年后再回到校园,成为曾桥所在班级里一名“安静”的插班生。
During the year he took off from school and stayed at home, neighbors said they hardly ever saw Qi Tailei. Although his mental state was not good, he still went out to do some short-term work. When he was in the village, he stayed at home all the time. A year later, he returned to campus and became a "quiet" transfer student in the class where Zeng Qiao was虽然同窗近两年,曾桥没跟齐太磊说过话,对他的印象很少但却有一些很清晰甚至突兀的细节,“他平时戴个鸭舌帽,头发有点长,看起来很久没洗,一个人坐在教室最后,有时候下课了去问老师一些问题。他家庭条件可能不太好,一套衣服天天穿,还穿布鞋”。
Despite sharing a classroom for nearly two years, Zeng Qiao had never spoken to Qi Tailei. His impression of him was vague, yet some details were strikingly clear. "He usually wore a baseball cap, his hair was a bit long and looked unwashed for a long time. He sat alone at the back of the classroom, sometimes asking the teacher some questions after class. His family conditions might not be very good, wearing the same set of clothes every day, even wearing cloth shoes." 《山海情》剧照A still from the drama "Mountain and Sea Love"齐太磊从小就是这套装扮。无论是在村子还是学校,他总是穿深色T恤、布鞋,在乡村里并无大碍,甚至赢得了村民对他“朴素”的好评。但在大学校园里,齐太磊显得太不修边幅。王少平有一次出门路过武汉时,去学校看过他。家族里有老人担心“乾妞”的精神状态,让王少平带了1000块钱给他,还嘱咐王少平多跟他聊聊,看他有什么需要。那一次,王少平直观的感觉是,“乾妞”的装扮与周围环境有些格格不入。那时是夏天,“这孩子头发长的,像很久没洗,显得邋遢,衣服也是松垮垮的”。
From a young age, Qi Tailei has always stuck to his usual attire. Whether in the village or at school, he always wore dark T-shirts and cloth shoes. This was not a problem in the countryside and even earned him praise from the villagers for his "simplicity". However, in the university campus, Qi Tailei appeared rather unkempt. Once, when Wang Shaoping was passing through Wuhan, he visited Qi at his school. Some elders in the family were worried about Qi's mental state, so they asked Wang Shaoping to give him 1000 yuan and to chat with him more to see if he needed anything. During that visit, Wang Shaoping's immediate impression was that Qi's attire seemed out of place with his surroundings. It was summer then, and Qi's hair was long, as if it hadn't been washed for a long time, making him look disheveled. His clothes were also loose and baggy齐太磊带着王少平在武大校园逛了逛。进门处有一个开满荷花的池塘,他问:“姑父,你说睡莲是醒着的还是睡着的?”王少平为了开导他,说睡莲醒着,跟人一样,只有想开了、主动放开自己,别人才能知道你是什么样。到了樱花路,齐太磊说:“姑父,当年日本对中国做了那么多恶事,他们在这儿种的樱花树反而成为一道风景,你不觉得这是罪恶之源吗?”王少平告诉他,就当是让他不忘先前的耻辱。
Qi Tailei took Wang Shaoping for a stroll around the Wuhan University campus. At the entrance, there was a pond full of lotus flowers. He asked, "Uncle, do you think the water lilies are awake or asleep?" To enlighten him, Wang Shaoping said that water lilies are awake, just like people. Only when they bloom and open up can others see what they truly are. When they reached Sakura Road, Qi Tailei said, "Uncle, after all the atrocities Japan committed against China, the cherry trees they planted here have become a scenic spot. Don't you think this is the root of evil?" Wang Shaoping told him to consider it a reminder of past humiliations.王少平说,那年齐太磊说的许多话他听不太懂。他记得当时齐太磊的眼神,已经有些“迷茫”,跟后来在手机庭审视频中看到的有点像。但说起对未来的打算,齐太磊显得很坚定明确——要去美国读书。“我问他去美国干吗,他说要去上最好的学校。我问他上最好的学校干啥用,他说要做爱因斯坦那样的人。”王少平对爱因斯坦所知不多,但他告诫齐太磊去美国留学成才后,不能留在那儿为美国人服务,“做汉奸”,齐太磊答应他一定会回国。
Wang Shaoping said that he didn't quite understand many of the things Qi Tailei said that year. He remembered Qi Tailei's gaze at the time, which was somewhat "lost," similar to what he later saw in the video of the mobile court trial. However, when it came to future plans, Qi Tailei was very firm and clear - he wanted to study in the United States. "I asked him why he wanted to go to the United States, and he said he wanted to attend the best schools. I asked him what the use of attending the best schools was, and he said he wanted to be like Einstein." Wang Shaoping didn't know much about Einstein, but he warned Qi Tailei that after studying in the United States and becoming successful, he should not stay there to serve the Americans, or become a "traitor." Qi Tailei promised him that he would definitely return to China

出国前

成为国际知名的大科学家,是齐太磊的一个理想,也是他少有能说出口、能让旁人了解的想法。王少平相信齐太磊的决心和学习能力,因为“‘乾妞’从小就说话实诚、直接,不开玩笑”。但这条“通天之路”要遭遇些什么艰辛,只有踏上这条路的人才知道。南方科技大学(下文简称“南科大”)位于广东省深圳市,是一所2011年2月才正式有师生入校的双一流学校。一位已经毕业的物理系研究生张远告诉我,南科大物理系师资条件非常好。这里对老师应聘要求很高,必须有海外留学和工作经验,还要在学界的顶级刊物发表过七八篇论文。几年前,南科大物理系在国内高校物理学科已经能排到前50名左右。
Southern University of Science and Technology (hereinafter referred to as "SUSTech") is located in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province. It is a "Double First-Class" institution that officially welcomed its first students and faculty in February 2011. Zhang Yuan, a graduate of the Physics Department, told me that the faculty of the Physics Department at SUSTech is excellent. The requirements for faculty recruitment are high, necessitating overseas study and work experience, as well as the publication of seven or eight papers in top academic journals. A few years ago, the Physics Department of SUSTech was already ranked among the top 50 in the field of physics in domestic universities.另外,这所新学校很“阔气”。张远记得,物理系需要用到某种实验仪器,单台售价一亿元,“别的学校买不起,南科大直接能买10台”;这里给研究生、博士生、研究助理每月的补助也很高,研究生每月3300元,博士生和研究助理的补助,这两年涨到每月8000元左右,是其他学校的两三倍。再加上刚建校头几年,物理系还没有硕、博士招生资格,当时又需要生源和教职工,所以南科大跟很多高校联合培养学生,也聘请了一批研究助理。2017年8月,齐太磊进入南科大物理系,成为一名“研究助理”。
In addition, this new school is quite "generous". Zhang Yuan recalls that when the Physics Department needed a certain experimental instrument, each unit costing one hundred million yuan, "other schools couldn't afford it, but SUSTech could buy 10 units directly". The monthly stipends for graduate students, doctoral students, and research assistants here are also high. Graduate students receive 3,300 yuan per month, while doctoral students and research assistants have seen their stipends increase to around 8,000 yuan per month in the past two years, which is two to three times that of other schools. Plus, in the first few years after its establishment, the Physics Department did not yet have the qualifications to enroll masters and doctoral students. At that time, there was a need for students and faculty, so SUSTech co-educated students with many other universities and hired a group of research assistants. In August 2017, Qi Tailei joined the Physics Department of SUSTech as a "research assistant"进入南科大之前,齐太磊在一家名叫“苏州新材料研究所”的公司工作了一年半。2015年大学毕业时,曾桥记得班上同学大约三分之一出国读书,三分之一在国内读研,齐太磊选择了直接工作。这是一家上市公司和苏州工业园区合资建立的研究所,本质上是一家小型民营企业,2022年公司的参保人数只有23人。曾有一名离职员工在社交媒体上称该公司流动资金有问题,为了省钱买很便宜的设备,硕士毕业的员工,工作五年月薪只有5000多元。
Before joining Southern University of Science and Technology (SUSTech), Qi Tailei worked for a company called "Suzhou New Material Research Institute" for a year and a half. When he graduated from university in 2015, Zeng Qiao recalls that about one-third of his classmates went abroad for further studies, one-third pursued postgraduate studies domestically, and Qi Tailei chose to work directly. The institute was a joint venture between a listed company and Suzhou Industrial Park, essentially a small private enterprise, with only 23 insured employees in 2022. A former employee once claimed on social media that the company had cash flow issues, bought very cheap equipment to save money, and employees with a master's degree, even after five years of work, only earned a monthly salary of just over 5,000 yuan.齐太磊从苏州这家公司离职的具体原因不明,但可以确定的是,他选择到南科大物理系做研究助理,是在往自己出国读书、成为大科学家的道路上靠近。张远告诉我,到南科大做研究助理的人,基本都是为了出国,“只要面试时跟导师说好,我来做助理,发几篇论文,两年后导师给写推荐信就行”。南科大学生出国读书的氛围也很浓,“因为我们的老师都是留学回来的,在海外有经验有资源,只要你想出国,一定能出去”。
The specific reason for Qi Tailei's resignation from the Suzhou company is unclear, but what is certain is that he chose to become a research assistant in the Physics Department at SUSTech, a step closer to his goal of studying abroad and becoming a great scientist. Zhang Yuan told me that those who come to SUSTech as research assistants are generally aiming to go abroad, "As long as you agree with the supervisor during the interview, I'm here to assist, publish a few papers, and the supervisor will write a recommendation letter for me after two years." The atmosphere at SUSTech is very conducive to studying abroad, "Because all our teachers have studied abroad and have experience and resources overseas, as long as you want to go abroad, you can definitely go."2017年8月,齐太磊进入南科大物理系张立源老师的课题组,签了两年的研究助理合同。组里大约有10人,赵子宜是课题组成员之一。一开始,他对齐太磊的印象停留在“普通的理科男”——不修边幅,不善言辞,专心做实验。在武汉大学时,曾桥就在实验室见过齐太磊待到最后一个才走。到了南科大,赵子宜也记得自己每次去实验室都能见到齐太磊。但在每周一次的组会上,他发现齐太磊听不进去任何人的意见,包括导师的意见。“他非常固执,我们起初会对他的实验表达想法,但说完了他还是按自己原先的路子做,也不跟高年级的人请教,宁愿自己走弯路。”赵子宜说,一向温和的导师张立源也批评过齐太磊三四次,后来发现没用,便不再说,“感觉跟他完完全全没法交流”。同事们私下聚餐,也从没出现过齐太磊的身影。
In August 2017, Tai-Lei Qi joined the research group of Professor Li-Yuan Zhang in the Physics Department at Southern University of Science and Technology, signing a two-year contract as a research assistant. The group consisted of about 10 people, one of whom was Zi-Yi Zhao. Initially, Zhao's impression of Qi was that of a "typical science guy" - unkempt, not good with words, and focused on his experiments. During his time at Wuhan University, Zeng Qiao had seen Qi being the last one to leave the lab. At Southern University of Science and Technology, Zhao also noticed that Qi was always in the lab whenever he visited. However, during the weekly group meetings, he found that Qi was not receptive to anyone's opinions, including those of his supervisor. "He was very stubborn. We initially tried to share our thoughts on his experiments, but he would still proceed in his own way, without seeking advice from the seniors, preferring to take the long way round," said Zhao. The usually mild-mannered Professor Zhang Li-Yuan had criticized Qi three or four times, but when he realized it was futile, he stopped. "It felt like it was impossible to communicate with him," he said. Qi was also never seen at the group's casual dinners.在南科大的两年,齐太磊发表了两篇学术论文,其中一篇是并列第一作者,发表在国际顶级学术期刊Advanced Functional Materials上。共同署名的另一位第一作者龚佑品告诉我,虽然一起发了一篇学术论文,但他在学术之外和齐太磊没有什么交流和了解。而在课题组内部,即便发了论文,齐太磊在学术上也没给人留下深刻的印象。赵子宜提到,在物理系,那些看起来充分表现出自己能力的“学术大牛”,背后都需要跟人进行大量的沟通、合作,这也是科研进步的一个必备条件。齐太磊孤僻的性格,某种程度上阻碍了他在学术上的自我实现。
During his two years at Southern University of Science and Technology, Qi published two academic papers, one of which he co-authored as the first author, published in the top international academic journal, Advanced Functional Materials. The other co-first author, You-Pin Gong, told me that although they had published a paper together, he had little interaction or understanding of Qi outside of academia. Within the research group, even after publishing papers, Qi did not leave a profound impression academically. Zhao mentioned that in the Physics Department, those "academic elites" who fully demonstrate their abilities need to engage in a lot of communication and collaboration with others, which is a prerequisite for scientific progress. Qi's reclusive personality, to some extent, hindered his academic self-realization在南科大做研究助理期间,齐太磊的弟弟从西安交通大学硕士毕业,在苏州、上海一带工作。看起来,这个家庭终于到了苦尽甘来的时刻。但疾病再度降临。先是齐太磊的奶奶患上肺癌,长期卧床需要照护,不久后齐太磊父亲确诊淋巴癌,动了一次手术,从身体里取出一个几斤重的肿瘤,此后进入观察期,每天早晚要喝中药。王少平记得,那时齐家总是飘荡着一股中药味儿。两个孩子刚工作挣的钱,多用于为家人治病,也没剩下多少。
During his time as a research assistant at Southern University of Science and Technology, Qi Tailei's younger brother graduated with a master's degree from Xi'an Jiaotong University and started working in the Suzhou and Shanghai area. It seemed that this family had finally reached a moment of relief after hardship. However, illness struck again. First, Qi Tailei's grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer, requiring long-term bed care. Soon after, Qi Tailei's father was diagnosed with lymphoma. He underwent surgery to remove a tumor weighing several pounds from his body, and then entered a period of observation, needing to drink traditional Chinese medicine every morning and evening. Wang Shaoping remembers that there was always a scent of Chinese medicine lingering in the Qi's home. The money that the two children had just started earning from their jobs was mostly used for their family's medical treatment, leaving little left over."《那人那山那狗》剧照"Still from the drama 'That Man, That Mountain, That Dog'2019年2月,春节,王少平去齐家拜年。他家还是那几间平房,齐太磊和弟弟依然住在一间房内,床头放了个小书柜。齐太磊在读《人性的弱点》——美国作家戴尔·卡耐基的代表作。书中,卡耐基提供了如何与他人相处、如何得到他人的认同、如何回避人性的弱点、如何战胜人性的弱点等各种问题的策略,涉及人际交往、心态调节、维系家庭、安排工作和合理用钱等生活的方方面面。王少平记得当时齐太磊少见地表现出好情绪,告诉姑父自己被美国学校录取了。王少平开玩笑,让他“可别带个洋媳妇回来”。他笑了下回答,“那不一定”。
In February 2019, during the Chinese New Year, Wang Shaoping paid a visit to the Qi family for the holiday. Their home was still the same few bungalows, with Qi Tailei and his younger brother sharing a room, a small bookshelf placed at the head of their bed. Qi Tailei was reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" - a seminal work by American author Dale Carnegie. In the book, Carnegie provides strategies on how to interact with others, gain their recognition, avoid and overcome human weaknesses, covering all aspects of life including interpersonal communication, mindset adjustment, family maintenance, work arrangement, and rational use of money. Wang Shaoping remembered that Qi Tailei, unusually, showed a good mood, telling his uncle that he had been admitted to a school in the United States. Wang Shaoping joked, telling him "Don't bring back a foreign wife." He laughed and replied, "That's not certain."

饭局上的“传说”"Dinner Table Legends"

李维第一次跟齐太磊接触就觉得他有点“怪”。Upon his first encounter with Qi Tailei, Li Wei found him a bit "odd"他俩都是刚从国内来到美国路易斯安那州立大学的2019级新生,李维读生物系硕士,齐太磊读机械工程系博士。按学校规定,每个非本地学生入学后要参加一个英语考试,根据考试成绩分班。李维和齐太磊分到一个班。路易斯安那州立大学的中国留学生不多,每届硕博生加在一起也不过十多个,因此入学后大家都会慢慢认识,加微信好友、建群,自然形成一个留学生小圈子。
Both of them were freshmen of the 2019 class who had just arrived from China to Louisiana State University in the United States. Li Wei was studying for a master's degree in biology, while Qi Tailei was pursuing a doctorate in mechanical engineering. According to the school's regulations, every non-local student must take an English test after enrollment, and they are assigned to classes based on their test scores. Li Wei and Qi Tailei were placed in the same class. There weren't many Chinese international students at Louisiana State University, with only a dozen or so graduate and doctoral students in each class. Therefore, after enrollment, everyone would gradually get to know each other, add each other on WeChat, form groups, and naturally create a small circle of international students在第一节英语课结束后,李维和齐太磊打招呼、聊天,互相介绍自己的专业。当李维说到自己研究昆虫、病虫害防治时,齐太磊忽然给出很大的反应,不断发出“哎呀呀”的感叹,说李维这个专业很残忍,“你可能已经没感觉了,(因为)一天要杀几百上千条虫子”。李维对这个说法记得很清楚。他一开始只当齐太磊性子直,不太会说话,没多久,他发现自己接触的中国留学生,都觉得齐太磊“很奇怪”。
After the first English class, Li Wei and Qi Tailei greeted each other, chatted, and introduced their respective majors. When Li Wei mentioned his research on insects and pest control, Qi Tailei suddenly reacted strongly, repeatedly exclaiming "Oh my!", and said that Li Wei's major was quite cruel, "You might not feel it anymore, (because) you have to kill hundreds to thousands of insects every day." Li Wei remembered this comment very clearly. At first, he thought Qi Tailei was just straightforward and not very articulate. However, not long after, he found that the Chinese students he met all thought Qi Tailei was "quite strange". 在路易斯安那州,留学新生们喜欢去的休闲场所不多,最常有的娱乐就是聚在一起吃饭聊天。齐太磊从没参加过聚餐,但饭局上却常常有他的“传说”。“他英语口语是中国留学生里最差的一个。”李维说,新生多少都要过“语言关”,但齐太磊的语言障碍显得比其他人大很多,“他的口语差到跟外国人交流,对方听不懂的程度。他的发音有问题,有几次连中国留学生都以为齐太磊在说中文,最后发现他在说英文”。李维认识的一个朋友跟齐太磊一起出行办过银行卡、社保卡等业务,全程都是朋友跟工作人员沟通,齐太磊只是站在一旁,没有任何主动参与。
In Louisiana, there aren't many leisure spots that international students frequent. The most common form of entertainment is gathering for meals and chats. Tai Lei Qi has never attended these gatherings, yet tales about him often circulate at these dinner tables. "His spoken English is the worst among Chinese international students," says Wei Li. Every new student has to cross the "language barrier", but Tai Lei Qi's language difficulties seem to be much greater than others. "His spoken English is so poor that foreigners can't understand him. His pronunciation is problematic. There were a few times when even Chinese international students thought Tai Lei Qi was speaking Chinese, only to find out he was speaking English," Li adds. Li knew a friend who had accompanied Tai Lei Qi to handle banking and social security card matters. Throughout the process, it was the friend who communicated with the staff, while Tai Lei Qi just stood by without any active participation《隐秘的角落》剧照"Hidden Corner" Still Shots开学大约一个月后,齐太磊有天忽然在微信朋友圈发长文,控诉自己曾经在一起两年的女友欺骗他、对不起他。李维记得,齐太磊连着一周左右“写小作文”,发在微信朋友圈,提供的素材又成了留学生圈子里茶余饭后的谈资。但有一天,齐太磊去质问其中一个留学生,为何要对外散布自己的私生活信息,“这件事让大家匪夷所思”。之后,齐太磊退出了留学生微信群,删除了所有人的微信,“相当于跟我们闹掰了”。原本几个中国留学生合租在校外一个华人聚集区,租金比学校住宿每月便宜七八百美元,几个月后,齐太磊因卫生习惯问题跟室友闹掰,搬出公寓,从物理空间上也离开了中国留学生小圈子。
About a month after the start of the school year, Qi Tailei suddenly posted a lengthy message on his WeChat Moments, accusing his girlfriend of two years of deceiving and wronging him. Li Wei remembers that Qi Tailei spent about a week "writing short essays" and posting them on his WeChat Moments. The material he provided became a topic of conversation among the international student community during their leisure time. However, one day, Qi Tailei confronted one of the international students, questioning why they were spreading information about his private life, which left everyone baffled. Afterwards, Qi Tailei left the international students' WeChat group and deleted everyone from his WeChat, effectively severing ties with them. Originally, a few Chinese international students shared a rental in an area popular with the Chinese community outside the campus, which was seven to eight hundred dollars cheaper per month than campus accommodation. However, a few months later, due to disagreements over cleanliness habits with his roommates, Qi Tailei moved out of the apartment, physically distancing himself from the small circle of Chinese international students但李维仍从不同渠道听到有关他的“传说”。在美国,路易斯安那州立大学排名不高,170名开外。机械工程系在校内虽然算是大系,涵盖范围广,但放到美国学术领域看,最多算是中等偏上水平。齐太磊选的专业偏工程方向,入了一个姓孟的华人导师课题组。这个课题组内还有几位来自中国的师哥师姐,其中一位博士后师姐负责帮助新生做实验。有一天,师姐看见齐太磊做完实验后用水清洗仪器,就提醒他只能用酒精清洗。齐太磊问:“能用酒精洗,为什么不能用水洗?世界上没有百分百纯的酒精,最高浓度只有99%,包含1%的水,所以你用酒精洗,其实也在用1%的水洗,那我为什么不能直接用水洗?”因为“酒精和水的问题”,齐太磊和师姐从下午吵到傍晚下班。
Yet, Li Wei still heard about his "legend" through various channels. In the United States, Louisiana State University is not highly ranked, falling beyond the 170th place. Although the Department of Mechanical Engineering is considered a major department within the university with a wide coverage, it is at best considered slightly above average in the American academic field. Qi Tailei chose a major leaning towards engineering and joined a research group led by a Chinese mentor with the surname Meng. There were also several senior students from China in this group, one of whom, a postdoctoral fellow, was responsible for helping newcomers with their experiments. One day, when she saw Qi Tailei cleaning the equipment with water after an experiment, she reminded him that he should only use alcohol. Qi Tailei asked, "If I can clean with alcohol, why can't I clean with water? There is no 100% pure alcohol in the world, the highest concentration is only 99%, which contains 1% water. So when you clean with alcohol, you are actually cleaning with 1% water. So why can't I clean directly with water?" Because of this "alcohol and water issue", Qi Tailei and the senior student argued from the afternoon until they left work in the evening.孟老师的实验室内还有一个来自山东省的大师兄,为人热情,人缘很好,李维经常和他一起吃饭。大师兄告诉他,孟老师曾让齐太磊去做某个方向的研究,需要用到一个很新的仪器,只有大师兄会操作。当大师兄主动提出教齐太磊操作时,他很生气地拒绝了,之后自己摸索了两三个月也没入门,还跟导师交流时出现冲突。一位曾和齐同系的学生也告诉我,齐太磊曾做过一个韩国导师的教学助理,后来这个韩国导师跟学校反映停止齐太磊的助理一职,“因为他不能完成任务”。
There was also a senior student from Shandong Province in Professor Meng's lab, who was very friendly and popular. Li Wei often dined with him. The senior student told him that Professor Meng once asked Qi Tailei to conduct research in a certain direction, which required the use of a very new instrument that only the senior student knew how to operate. When the senior student offered to teach Qi Tailei how to operate it, he angrily refused. He then spent two to three months trying to figure it out on his own, but failed to do so, even causing conflicts when communicating with his mentor. A student who was once in the same department as Qi also told me that Qi Tailei once served as a teaching assistant for a Korean professor. Later, this Korean professor reported to the school to terminate Qi Tailei's assistant position, "because he could not complete the tasks."2020年初,新冠肺炎疫情暴发,美国高校从2月底开始转为线上授课,之后四个多月,学校、娱乐场所、餐饮店等非必需场所关闭。疫情让所有人的生活都更封闭孤独,李维记得,那段时间留学生们的交集也不多,有关齐太磊的“传说”也消失了。他在开学时注册的Facebook账号一直没有更新,没有人知道他在如何生活,直到2020年9月左右,李维听说他因为拖欠房租,从和一对留学生夫妻合租的公寓里搬走,搬到一个租金更便宜的黑人聚居区。那个街区很少有华人居住,罪案高发,几个月前还发生一起多人持枪枪击案。也是在这段时间,齐太磊的母亲突发急病。王少平听说,一开始只是发烧、腹泻,打了退烧针不见好转,她也不愿去大医院看,想着忍一忍就过去了。等症状严重,亲戚带她到新乡市的医院检查时,医生说已经治不了了,多器官衰竭,大约一周后就去世了。
At the beginning of 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic broke out, and American universities began to switch to online classes from the end of February. For more than four months afterwards, non-essential places such as schools, entertainment venues, and restaurants were closed. The pandemic made everyone's life more isolated and lonely. Li Wei remembered that during that time, there was not much interaction among international students, and the "legends" about Qi Tailei also disappeared. His Facebook account, which he registered at the start of school, had not been updated, and no one knew how he was living. It wasn't until around September 2020 that Li Wei heard that Qi had moved out of the apartment he was sharing with a couple of international students due to unpaid rent, and moved to a cheaper neighborhood predominantly inhabited by African Americans. Few Chinese people lived in that neighborhood, which had a high crime rate and had experienced a multiple-person shooting a few months prior. Around the same time, Qi's mother suddenly fell ill. Wang Shaoping heard that it started with a fever and diarrhea. She didn't get better after receiving a fever-reducing injection and didn't want to go to a major hospital, thinking she could just endure it. By the time her symptoms became severe and relatives took her to a hospital in Xinxiang City, the doctors said it was too late to treat her. She had multiple organ failure and passed away about a week later.变故一件一件发生,齐太磊的世界却似乎依然“安静”着。母亲去世时,因为疫情回国的机票十几万元一张,齐太磊没有参加母亲葬礼。在路易斯安那州立大学的两年多,他也没有发表一篇论文。2021年春,齐太磊博二下学期,原本这学期末有一场博士生资格考试(Qualifying Examination),是在国外研读博士学位的学生完成全部专业课学习后,申请写博士论文前必须要通过的考试。李维听齐太磊同系的学生说,齐太磊只参加了一场考试,后面两场弃考。这意味着他只能拿到硕士学位。但2021年末,他申请到了去北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校(下文简称“UNC”)应用物理系读博士——那是一所美国顶尖、历史悠久的公立大学。
Despite these series of misfortunes, Qi Tailei's world seemed to remain "quiet". When his mother passed away, he couldn't attend her funeral due to the exorbitant cost of a plane ticket back to China amidst the pandemic. During his more than two years at Louisiana State University, he didn't publish a single paper. In the spring of 2021, during his second year of doctoral studies, there was supposed to be a qualifying examination at the end of the semester. This is a test that students studying for a doctoral degree abroad must pass after completing all their major courses, before they can apply to write their doctoral thesis. Li Wei heard from students in the same department as Qi that he only took one of the exams and gave up on the other two. This meant that he could only obtain a master's degree. However, at the end of 2021, he was accepted into the Applied Physics Department at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (hereinafter referred to as "UNC") for his doctoral studies - a top-tier, historically prestigious public university in the United States《在远方》剧照"Far Away" Drama Still在离开路易斯安那州立大学前,李维还听说了齐太磊留下的一个“传说”。他来到实验室,像泄愤一样公开对所有人说:这个地方学术水平太差了,我要去更好的地方做研究!
Before leaving Louisiana State University, Li Wei heard about a "legend" left by Qi Tailei. He came to the lab and vented to everyone openly: The academic level here is too poor, I'm going to a better place to conduct research!

枪声Gunshot

2022年1月,齐太磊入学UNC,加入严资杰的实验室攻读博士。他和其他人的联络仍然很少,但与在路易斯安那州立大学不同,齐太磊开始使用Twitter——一个更加开放的社交平台,不定期更新他的想法。
In January 2022, Qi Tailei enrolled at UNC, joining Yan Zijie's lab to pursue his PhD. His contact with others remained minimal, but unlike at Louisiana State University, Qi Tailei began using Twitter—a more open social platform, where he sporadically updated his thoughts起初,他看起来对新生活充满期待。第一学期时(2022年1〜5月),他说自己每周工作80+小时,感到放松、充满能量。几个月后,7月17日的推文中,他开始明确表达对工作的反感,显露不好的状态:“感觉我的隐私被侵犯,当我工作时,我会想这是在展示给老板看我在工作,而不是出于兴趣,这降低了我工作的意义。太恶心了,自尊阻止我工作。”四天后,他以第一作者的身份向学界顶刊《纳米通信》(Nano Letters)投出初稿。接下来的暑期,他点赞了一些推文,包括:早期博士工作感到尴尬怎么办;自己的观点对,但是导师错了;如何选择善意、没有毒的导师。
At first, he seemed full of anticipation for his new life. During the first semester (January to May 2022), he claimed to be working over 80 hours a week, feeling relaxed and energized. A few months later, in a tweet on July 17, he began to express his distaste for work, revealing a poor state of mind: "I feel my privacy is being violated. When I work, I feel like I'm showing my boss that I'm working, not out of interest, which diminishes the meaning of my work. It's disgusting, my self-esteem prevents me from working." Four days later, he submitted his first draft to the top academic journal, Nano Letters, as the lead author. During the following summer, he liked a few tweets, including: what to do if you feel embarrassed about your early PhD work; when your viewpoint is correct, but your supervisor is wrong; how to choose a kind, non-toxic supervisor.美国北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校,枪击案发生后,学生们相互安慰(图源|视觉中国)
Following a shooting incident at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, USA, students comfort each other (Image Source | Visual China)2022年8〜12月的第二学期,是齐太磊发推文最密集的时期。这几个月,他抱怨增多,似乎跟实验室的同学,尤其是女生有不和;他怀疑实验室有人说他懒惰;提到霸凌现象在美国是个问题,说自己得到了导师的承诺,认为导师应该对处理“那些女孩和流言蜚语更有经验”。“压力”“无法深入思考”“隐私被侵犯”⋯⋯这些在齐太磊推文中频繁出现的字眼,多少展现出了一个极端孤独的留学生的内心世界——他渴望与人交流,但又不知道如何建立既满足自己的自尊与安全感,又能为别人所接受和理解的连接方式。11月,他提到这学期每周工作60+小时,虽然比第一学期少很多,但感到很累,因为自己不是出于兴趣,而是给别人做出努力工作的样子。
The second semester of 2022, from August to December, was the period when Tai Lei Qi posted tweets most frequently. During these months, his complaints increased, seemingly having discord with his lab mates, especially the female students. He suspected that someone in the lab was calling him lazy. He mentioned that bullying is a problem in the United States, and said that he had received a promise from his mentor, believing that the mentor should be more experienced in dealing with "those girls and rumors". "Pressure", "inability to think deeply", "privacy being violated"... These phrases frequently appearing in Tai Lei Qi's tweets somewhat reveal the inner world of an extremely lonely international student - he yearns for communication, but doesn't know how to establish a connection that satisfies his own self-esteem and sense of security, and is also acceptable and understandable to others. In November, he mentioned that he was working over 60 hours a week this semester. Although it was much less than the first semester, he felt very tired because he was not working out of interest, but was putting on a show of hard work for others外部世界同样在缓慢残酷地运转着。也是这一学期,齐太磊的父亲淋巴癌症复发,在家中病逝。齐太磊一个邻居告诉我,自从两年前齐母去世后,父亲独自在家,状态一直不好。2022年,齐庆毅癌症复发,小儿子齐太安带他到上海做过一次手术。后来,他腿上、后背、脖颈长出一个又一个包,手术也没用了。大约在2022年秋季,妻子去世两年后,齐庆毅病逝。齐太磊同样没回老家,也没在社交平台上说起家中发生的一切。但这一时期,他分享了一些与家乡食物有关的图片:加了紫菜的馄饨、满是花椒的水煮鱼、黄灿灿的摊鸡蛋饼。
The outside world was also turning slowly and cruelly. It was during this semester that Qi Tailei's father's lymphoma recurred, and he passed away at home. A neighbor of Qi Tailei told me that since the death of Qi's mother two years ago, his father had been alone at home and in poor condition. In 2022, Qi Qingyi's cancer recurred, and his younger son, Qi Tai'an, took him to Shanghai for surgery. Later, lumps appeared one after another on his legs, back, and neck, and surgery was no longer effective. Around the fall of 2022, two years after his wife's death, Qi Qingyi passed away. Qi Tailei did not return to his hometown, nor did he mention what happened at home on social media. But during this period, he shared some pictures related to hometown food: wontons with seaweed, boiled fish with lots of Sichuan pepper, and golden fried egg pancakes.唯一的好消息可能就是学术上的。他看起来离“大科学家”的梦想更近了一点。在导师严资杰的帮助下,进入UNC一年半以来,他以第一作者身份,在两份学界顶级期刊上发表了论文。但担忧和抱怨从来没有离开过他。去年10月,他觉得自己的隐私受到了组员的侮辱,并认为组员向导师告状说自己懒。当他跟导师问起是否有这件事时,严资杰给出了否定的答复。他似乎对此有些不满:“所以啥事都没有,只是这些人有偷窥癖吗?”一个月后,他“感觉疲惫”,因为“花了太多时间来说服自己,工作不是为了向他人展示自己在工作,而是出于兴趣”。今年6月,他辱骂某位女生是“天使般的婊子”,因为这种人“展示自己最好的一面来求别人帮助我,所有人就会看不起我”。8月1日,他表达了对未来职业发展的疑虑,提问道:“你是如何找到博士后职位的?”
The only good news might be academic. He seemed to be a step closer to his dream of becoming a "great scientist". With the help of his mentor Yan Zijie, he has published papers in two top academic journals as the first author since he joined UNC a year and a half ago. But worries and complaints never left him. In October last year, he felt that his privacy was insulted by his team members, and believed that they complained to the mentor that he was lazy. When he asked his mentor if this was true, Yan Zijie gave a negative answer. He seemed somewhat dissatisfied with this: "So there's nothing wrong, these people just have a voyeuristic fetish?" A month later, he "felt tired" because he "spent too much time convincing himself that work is not for showing others that he is working, but out of interest". In June this year, he insulted a girl as an "angelic bitch" because such people "show their best side to ask others for help, and everyone will look down on me". On August 1, he expressed doubts about his future career development, asking, "How did you find a postdoctoral position?"美国北卡罗来纳大学教堂山分校校园(图源|视觉中国)
The campus of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, USA (Image Source | Visual China)在拿着一把上了膛的9毫米手枪走入实验楼向导师开枪前,他唯一对外表露出温情和开心的情绪,都和动物有关。他不止一次在推特上分享过猫的图片,并在配文中罕见地提到了“开心”:“每次遇到这只猫,她都会跑到固定的位置,用优雅的姿势看着我经过,这让我一天都很开心。”就在辱骂某位女生是“天使般的婊子”那条推文发出两天后,他在一条大狗拥抱人类的视频下面评论:“此时此刻我正需要这样的拥抱。”
Before he walked into the laboratory with a loaded 9mm handgun and shot at his mentor, the only warmth and happiness he showed to the outside world were related to animals. He had shared pictures of cats on Twitter more than once, and unusually mentioned "happiness" in the captions: "Every time I encounter this cat, she would run to a fixed position and watch me pass by with an elegant posture, which makes my day." Just two days after he tweeted an insult calling a girl an "angelic bitch", he commented under a video of a large dog hugging a human: "I need such a hug at this moment."

(本文刊载于《三联生活周刊》2023年第42期,为保护受访者隐私,文中王少平、曾桥、张远、赵子宜、李维为化名)
(This article was published in the 42nd issue of "Sanlian Life Weekly" in 2023. To protect the privacy of the interviewees, the names Wang Shaoping, Zeng Qiao, Zhang Yuan, Zhao Ziyi, and Li Wei in the text are pseudonyms.)

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