Talking About Stoicism Part 3: Letting Go by Being Prepared

here and hello my friends welcome to thethird installment in my series onstoicism and today I wanted to talk toyou aboutEpictetus again and I am I've juststarted my timer so that I don't go onfor too long I want to read you thethird chapter of the enchiridion rightand I'm using this book how to be freetranslated by Professor a in a long ok

this is a very short chapter but this isone we really need to go over in thecase of everything that attracts you orhas its uses or that you're fond of keepin mind to tell yourself what it is likestarting with the most trivial things ifyou are fond of the jug say I am fond of

a jug then if it is broken you will notbe troubled when you kiss your littlechild or your wife say that you arekissing a human being then if one ofthem dies you will not be troubled yes

well I think we can all see that thefirst example Epictetus gives here isnot that difficult I like thisparticular cup that I bought at adiscount store and if after a couple ofmonths or years that mug breaks yeah too

bad right too bad and you can trainyourself in that by every time you youuse thatI bet you like to say something likethis is just a mug right now let's moveto something random say a fountain penand you like that specific pen let'sface it some of us spend maybe a little

more on fountain pens than we should andyou really love that pen that you justbought right and you love using it andthen you drop it and it cracks and it'sgone or you lose it or it gets stolen oranything else happens to it it doesn'tmatter let's say that's a $500 pen bybest now you're going to be a littlemore upset than you were over the $3.00

mug you bought and now let's say thatsomeone calls you and they tell you yourchild has just died or a loved one or avery close friend or whatever right I'mI'm whatever people like whateverapplies to your situation Wowso what Epictetus is telling us now isthat if you keep telling yourself this

is a cup or a jug and then that jugbreaks you're okay and then if you everytime you kiss your child or loved oneand you say this is just a person whenthat person dies you'll be okay well Ithink we need to introduce a little bitof nuance here when a loved one dies itwill always hurt we can even betraumatic you are going to feel it even

the most hardcore of Stoics would behurt that that is human naturehowever I'll be fair I get his pointI draw a parallel here with the hagakurea samurai manual and that bookcontinuously stresses you need to live

your life as if you are already dead andthen once that moment comes it's not abig dealbecause every day you have told yourselfthat you are already dead and that bookis explicit it even says you need tomeditate on being ripped apart by arrowsand swords and spears and and andfalling off a cliff and Fire fallinginto a fire and being swallowed up by anearthquake it's very explicit you needto meditate on your inevitable death

every single day of your existence sothat when that moment comes your passingwill be easy because you're alreadyprepared you have accepted all of thesepossible faiths and I like whatEpictetus says here because he says surehe starts out with a small andrelatively useless object like a jugsure it's nice though cares of it breakswho can as if your favorite cup breaks

yeah it'll be sad for a minute but thenyou're you're good but when a loved onedies it feels a bit different doesn't itbut is it when you think about it is itreally different whether your cup breaksor your life partner dies well thenatural response of you're a normal

human being is of course of course whatare you saying of course it's differentyeah I understand that it feelsdifferent because there are differentfeelings involved you are much moreattached to your loved one than you areto your favorite mug or favoritefountain pen or your favorite car that'sa more expensive one but when theyleave this world because they break and

you throw them in the dustbin I'mtalking of your mug now not your lovedone or you bury your loved one orcremate them or whatever you do they'reequally gone one is not more gone thanthe other it's just that the departureof one is more emotionally jarring thanthe departure of the other you can't get

either back no matter what you do evenyou're the most beloved person in yourlife once their life is over it's overand you will never get them back if yourfavorite mug breaks no matter what youdo you won't get that mug back you canblew it back together but it's nevergoing to be the same so both of these

things in your life once they are goneare equally gone and it will be up toyou to deal with the consequences and inone case that will be a lot easier thanin the other case but the phenomenon isthe same in both cases something thatyou appreciated has left the world well

I don't want to get into a lengthydiscussion on on mourning because I amNOT a mourning expert so I would feelreally weird talking about that but Ithink epictetus gives us a pretty goodhint here is he saying that when yourloved one dies don't worry about it knowthis is never the point of stoicismStoics did not say do not care about

anything in life do not careyour favorite jug do not care about yourloved ones no they told us to care butthey also told us to be in charge andhere is something that I do and I dothis fairly regularly I think to myselfwhat if and this is partially based onEpictetus here that's also partiallybased on a book like the haka Kure that

samurai manual I was talking about Ithink fairly regulated lead to myselfwhat if what if my life partner diestomorrow well I'd be incredibly hurt thegrief would be overwhelming but wouldshe want me to collapse and basicallyhave my life be over or would she want

me to continue to live my life to thefullest because if that's what she wantsand that is what she wants I'm prettysure I have to move on how do I move onwell the good start is being mindfulmindful that things happen in the worldand I think that's what epictetus ishinting at and that's a psychologicalthing my favorite quote from Marcus

Aurelius says that of course mostaleosis obvious epilepsies the cosmos orthe world is change and life is opinionlet's not talk about the opinion rightnow the cosmos is change every secondour world changes and every second you

may lose your loved ones and I'm nottrying to be morbid but if you are awareof that you don't have to worry about ityes it is a dis preferred and differentonce again this isit's not within your control your lovedones can die tomorrow they can die aminute from now but if you're aware ofit you know what to anticipate again

will I be devastated when my lifepartner dies yeah well I have to move onwhat option do I havedrive myself over cliff that's not whatshe would have wanted right so I amaware what if tomorrow my partner dieswell I would have to set aside time for

grief because obviously it would be atremendous blow but then I must pick upmy life and that is where you could saythe person I am kissing now it's just aperson now I hope this doesn't soundlike I'm I'm making light of thisbecause I'm not as I said losing a lovedone is incredibly traumatic it is a big

thing in your life it is an enormousimpact but you'll have to move on so beaware be aware of the possibilities thatcould occur in your life you may lose aloved one and if once in a while and notsaying every five minutes I'm also noteven saying every day but for me it's afairly regular thing what if she woulddie what if this person were dying what

if they would die what if this wouldhappen what if I would die is easybecause I'll be dead but what about allyour loved ones and the same thing forme and fountain pens right let's make ita little little less heavy maybe if Iwere to lose one of my beloved pens tooI would feel very sad but it is just a

pen and every time I use my pens I doactually tell myself that this yarn ledConnard the new Miki Emperor is abeautiful pen but it is just a pen and Ialready prepare myself for itone day I may have to let it go what ifI have to sell it what if I suddenlyhave a big expense I need to sell thisexpensive pen prepare yourself and ifyou do that regularly oddly enough it

becomes easier because it's a skill andthe more you practice a skill the easierit getsthis has nothing to do with not caringthis has nothing to do with not having aheart but this has everything to do withyou preparing yourself for whatever maycome and you can't control itright I may do all of this and I may beoutlived by my life partner

well isn't that all the better for methen I worried and in the end nothinghas happened but at least I was preparedand that that I think is the mostimportant lesson to get out of this livepursue those things you can't pursueavoid the things you can avoid but beaware that something at some point mayhappen and it will be up to you to think

about what will happen and how you'regoing to deal with itand if you've already thought a coupletimes of well if my partner passes awayI will do this and this and that you'reprepared and it will be easier toprocess that should God forbid shouldthat moment comethis was a heavy topic but an important

topic a topic that concerns us allbecause everybody has someone they loveright and you can even apply this to itlike your favorite pet or somethingalong those lines but think prepareyourself for what may happen and when itdoes happen if it does happen you mayfind it easier to process okay I hope

this was useful I hope people keepenjoying this series of videos and I'mglad they see you later bye bye