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In other words, the mother who praises the child by saying things like “You’re such a good helper!” or “Good job!” or “Well, aren’t you something!” is unconsciously creating a hierarchical relationship and seeing the child as beneath her. The example of animal training that you just gave is also emblematic of the hierarchical relationship—the vertical relationship—that is behind the praising. When one person praises another, the goal is “to manipulate someone who has less ability than you.” It is not done out of gratitude or respect.
The Courage to Be Disliked
Ichiro Kishimi
Everyone wishes they could change. I know I do, and I’m sure anyone you might stop and ask on the street would agree. But why does everyone feel they want to change? There’s only one answer: because they cannot change. If it were easy for people to change, they wouldn’t spend so much time wishing they could. No matter how much they wish it, people cannot change. And that’s why there are always so many people getting taken in by new religions and dubious self-help seminars and any preaching on how everyone can change.
The Courage to Be Disliked
Ichiro Kishimi
It was one of those nights - his email was riddled with spelling mistakes: Tashi figured he must be intoxicated. “In five minutes, you are going to get a video call from me. You will remove ALL your clothes one by one till you are naked. And this time, I want to look at your face when you do it.”
What Did Tashi Do?
Anangsha Alammyan
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