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An intimate relationship today means allowing ourselves to become immersed in knowing and being known fully by another human being, with all of our brilliance, beauty, failures, and flaws. It means learning the terrain and the language of love through a shared commitment to mutual growth and awakening. It means opening our hearts fully and learning how to love in ways that are vulnerable, authentic, and undefended, while at the same time remaining independent and autonomous in ways that would allow us to live 100 percent true to ourselves.
Calling in "The One"
Katherine Woodward Thomas
Vzhledem k tomu, že kognitivní terapie razí názor, že pouze vaše myšlenky vytvářejí vaše pocity, Ize s ní dospět až k nihilistickému přesvědčení, že ať uděláte cokoli, nikomu nemůžete ublížit, a že tedy máte licenci dělat cokoli.
Koneckonců proč neutéct od rodiny, nepodvádět ženu a finančně nezruinovat partnera? Jsou-li naštvaní, je to jejich problém, protože to jsou jejich myšlenky. Nemám pravdu?
Špatně! Znovu se dostáváme k důležitosti konceptu kognitivní deformace. Vzhledem k tomu, že emocionální rozrušení jakékoli osoby je způsobeno jejími deformovanými myšlenkami, Ize říci, že dotyčný je za své utrpení sám zodpovědný. Pokud se obviňujete z bolesti někoho takového, dopouštíte se chyby vy, a to personalizace. Jestliže je naopak utrpení nějakého člověka způsobeno opodstatněnými, nedeformovanými myšlenkami, pak je reálné a může mít v realitě nějakou externí příčinu. Kdybyste mě například nakopli do žaludku, pomyslel bych si: „Kopli mě! Bolí to! - - -!“V tomto případě zodpovědnost za bolest nesete vy a váš vjem, že jste mi ublížili, není vůbec deformovaný.
Vaše lítost a moje nepohodlí jsou skutečné a odůvodněné.
Cítit Se Dobře
David Burns
PLAY THE LONG GAME In psychology, grit is defined as passion and perseverance toward long-term goals.22 Harmonious passion is related to having high levels of grit, whereas obsessive passion is not.23 If you’re obsessively passionate, you’re thinking short-term. You’re trying to force things to go your way. But you don’t truly want whatever it is you’re seeking. You just think you need it because you’re unresolved internally. Whether you get what you want or not, sooner or later you’ll shift that unhealthy need onto something else—the hedonic treadmill will continue. Similar to harmonious passion, intrinsic motivation is also related to having high levels of grit, whereas extrinsic motivation is not.24 When you’re doing something you genuinely love, and you’re doing it for yourself, then you’re intrinsically motivated and have a healthy passion. You don’t need to “force” things or “prove” yourself. You’re playing the long game. You’re playing your own game. You’re not competing with anyone else. You’re not measuring yourself against anyone else’s standards. Something Dan Sullivan has noticed in coaching tens of thousands of entrepreneurs since 1974—over 47 years!—is that most of them are mentally “here” but wanting to be “there.” It really doesn’t matter where they are now and how great their lives are, they continually wish they were “there.” Many high achievers have a hard time being “here.” And although it’s great to have goals and vision and be driven, you’re in the GAP if you’re “here” but wishing you were “there.” Playing a longer game allows you to embrace being “here.” Yes, you have goals and vision, but you’re completely happy where you’re at. You’re here, and you love being here. You love what your life is like. You’re blown away by your GAINS. You appreciate everything and everyone around you. You’re genuinely happy. You also love what you’re working on and building. You’re committed and focused, but you’re not trying to rush to the next place to fill some unresolved need. You’re doing what you love. You’re confident in where your life is going. Being “here” doesn’t mean you don’t have goals or aspirations. Quite the contrary. By freeing yourself from unnecessary “needs,” you’re finally enabled to create the progress and life you want. You know you’re already whole and complete without those goals. You’re fully free to have whatever you want,…
The Gap and the Gain
Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan
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