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“How long do you spend making sure you have all the facts right before you criticize somebody? How long do you spend making sure you have all the facts right before you praise somebody?” Ideally you’d spend just as long getting the facts right for praise as for criticism.
In reality, our opinions do change without apparent reason. This point holds even for matters of careful, considered judgment by professional experts. For instance, it is common to obtain significantly different diagnoses from the same physicians when they are presented twice with the same case (see chapter 22). When wine experts at a major US wine competition tasted the same wines twice, they scored only 18% of the wines identically (usually, the very worst ones). A forensic expert can reach different conclusions when examining the same fingerprints twice, just a few weeks apart (see chapter 20). Experienced software consultants can offer markedly different estimates of the completion time for the same task on two occasions. Simply put, just like a basketball player who never throws the ball twice in exactly the same way, we do not always produce identical judgments when faced with the same facts on two occasions.
Noise
Daniel Kahneman, Olivier Sibony, and Cass R. Sunstein
Your task is simple: instill in people a feeling of inner security. Mirror their values; show that you like and respect them. Make them feel you appreciate their wisdom and experience. Generate an atmosphere of mutual warmth. Get them to laugh along with you, instilling a feeling of rapport. All of this works best if the feelings are not completely faked. By exercising your empathy, by getting inside their perspective (see chapter 2 for more on this), you are more likely to genuinely feel at least a part of such emotions. Practice this often enough and confirming people’s self-opinion will become your default position—you will have a loosening-up effect on almost everyone you encounter.
The Laws of Human Nature
Robert Greene
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