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We often create relationships with people whose characters are similar to our parents’, even though we may hate these very character aspects. We do this because we experienced our first closeness, attention, love, and food with people who were not perfect. They may have beaten us, but they also fed us and bounced us on their knee now and then. So we take a composite snapshot—Love and Pain—and file it away in our mind. Later, we attract relationships that have this same composite.
Conscious Loving
Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks
Emptiness – in Pali, suññatā, in Sanskrit, śūnyatā,
Seeing That Frees
Rob Burbea
The fundamental guideline for not deploying optimism is to ask what the cost of failure is in the particular situation. If the cost of failure is high, optimism is the wrong strategy. The pilot in the cockpit deciding whether to de-ice the plane one more time, the partygoer deciding whether to drive home after drinking, the frustrated spouse deciding whether to start an affair that, should it come to light, would break up the marriage should not use optimism.
Learned Optimism
Martin E.P. Seligman
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