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Let’s take a moment to see how these layers build up. In order to avoid the pain of rejection, you work hard to maintain friendships. Since you’ve seen that it is possible to get rejected, even by friends, you are going to work harder and harder to avoid it. To succeed, you have to be sure everything you do is acceptable to others. This determines how you dress and how you act. Notice, you’re no longer focused directly on rejection. Now it’s about your clothes, how you walk, or what you drive. You’ve gone another layer further away from the core pain.

The Untethered Soul

Michael A. Singer

I am part of all that I have met.” —TENNYSON To all of you, whoever you are, I humbly dedicate this book.

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

Portia Nelson

After a few minutes, Molly came partway up the short ladder to the bridge and stopped. “Do I need to ask permission to come up there or something?” “Why would you?” I asked. She considered. “It’s what they do on Star Trek?” “Good point,” I said. “Permission granted, Ensign.”

Turn Coat

Jim Butcher

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