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He tells me that for the last few years my mind has been a swamp—stagnant, fetid, seeping in every direction. Now it’s time for my mind to be a river—raging, channeled, and therefore pure. I like it. I tell him I’ll try to keep this image in mind. He talks and talks, and as long as he’s talking, I’m OK. I’m in control. His advice feels like an oxygen cup on my mouth.
We talked, which helped, but it didn’t solve the underlying problem. When working long-term undercover, I felt I couldn’t allow distractions that could cause a fatal mistake. My survival instinct forced me to concentrate solely on the case, which inevitably shut out my personal life. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to think about my loved ones or talk to them, but doing that posed a challenge because I frequently had to focus a hundred percent
The Infiltrator
Robert Mazur
And yet the world came close to nuclear war. Each was directing his military to carry on provocative activities—on the Soviet side, making the missiles operational on a crash basis in Cuba and sending submarine patrols in the Caribbean; on the American side, pursuing all preparations for an invasion of Cuba and pressing aggressive low-level aerial reconnaissance over Cuba while harassing Soviet submarines. Each of them was prolonging the crisis day by day while they haggled over the resolution of the conflict, each hoping to achieve better terms than he was prepared, at bottom, to accept. If Khrushchev had not, surprisingly, initiated an abrupt, humiliating withdrawal of his missiles Sunday morning—without even waiting for an official American response to his proposal of Saturday morning, which Kennedy had argued to his advisors was “very reasonable”—there was every likelihood of the fuse to all-out war being lit by that afternoon.
The Doomsday Machine
Daniel Ellsberg
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