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It tends to surprise people how humble aspiring greats seem to have been. What do you mean they weren’t aggressive, entitled, aware of their own greatness or their destiny? The reality is that, though they were confident, the act of being an eternal student kept these men and women humble. “It is impossible to learn that which one thinks one already knows,” Epictetus says. You can’t learn if you think you already know. You will not find the answers if you’re too conceited and self-assured to ask the questions. You cannot get better if you’re convinced you are the best. The art of taking feedback is such a crucial skill in life, particularly harsh and critical feedback. We not only need to take this harsh feedback, but actively solicit it, labor to seek out the negative precisely when our friends and family and brain are telling us that we’re doing great. The ego avoids such feedback at all costs, however. Who wants to remand themselves to remedial training? It thinks it already knows how and who we are—that is, it thinks we are spectacular, perfect, genius, truly innovative. It dislikes reality and prefers its own assessment.
Ego Is the Enemy
Ryan Holiday
We weren’t at all surprised to find that those students who spent most of their time trying to be good were more likely to experience depression than those who were more focused on getting better. Nor was it surprising that the worse the be-gooders felt, the less likely they were to do something useful about it. Feeling bad made them less likely to try to take any action to try to solve the problem. Feeling bad also made them less likely to function well in other aspects of their lives—their dishes lingered in the sink, their dirty laundry piled up, and their textbooks gathered dust.
Succeed
Heidi Grant Halvorson Ph.D. and Carol S. Dweck
The process always began with the story.
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