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"you return from lands equally distant and you can tell me only the thoughts that come to a man who sits on his doorstep at evening to enjoy the cool air. What is the use, then, of all your traveling?"
Invisible Cities
Italo Calvino
Developing a Responsivity Bias We saw in chapter 2 that the negativity bias has five basic features. It makes you (1) get reactive when conditions are challenging; (2) feel uneasy, dissatisfied, and disconnected even when conditions are fine; (3) over-learn from bad experiences; (4) become quickly sensitized toward reactivity; and (5) return slowly to the responsive mode even when the coast is clear. But we are not stuck with being this way. Over time, taking in the good could actually turn your brain’s negativity bias into a responsivity bias—with five very different features—that will help you stay centered, strong, healthy, and happy. First, whether you go responsive or reactive when you’re challenged depends on what’s been woven into your brain. Repeatedly internalizing positive experiences builds up inner strengths so you can meet life’s challenges without fear, frustration, or heartache. Second, taking in the good shows you again and again that you are basically all right right now, that there are always grounds for gratitude and gladness, and that you are cared about and worthy. Third, your increasingly positive experiences and growing inner strengths will prevent negative experiences from slipping into your mind and sinking into your brain. As your mental garden fills with flowers, there’s less room for weeds to grow. Fourth, as we saw earlier in this chapter, you’ll be sensitizing your brain to the positive, making it like Velcro for good. Fifth, if you’ve already become stressed, upset, or unhappy, starting to take in the good as soon as you can do so authentically begins the recovery process from reactive states. Further, as taking in the good builds up your inner strengths, your body will become increasingly resilient and your mind will become increasingly centered in a fundamental peace, contentment, and love, so you’ll recover more quickly from negative experiences in general. Taking in the good brings you home. Home to a comfortable intimacy with your own experience, to a confident openness to life, to a sense of competence, even mastery, with your own mind. Reactive material may still come up for you—it does for me—but you’ll be increasingly able to hold it in a responsive framework. When my mother passed away, I felt sad and lost, but these feelings were like storm clouds in a big sky of acceptance, gratitude, and love for my family. Even if one of your brain’s operating systems is blinking red, the other two can remain green. For instance, you might feel worried about an unexpected bill (avoiding) while also being glad about having a steady job (approaching) and feeling supported by your mate (attaching). Even in hard times, you can still take simple actions within your reach that have been designed by Mother Nature to dial down the red, dial up the green, and bring you back to your resting state—actions such as exhaling slowly, remembering a time you felt strong, savoring a physical pleasure, thinking about someone who cares…
Hardwiring Happiness
Rick Hanson
For many reasons the Taylor-Rostow report was far more decisive than anyone realized, not because Kennedy did what they recommended, but because in doing less than it called for, he felt he was being moderate, cautious. There was an illusion that he had held the line, whereas in reality he was steering us far deeper into the quagmire.
The Best and the Brightest
David Halberstam
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